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Woken up from my sleep with thoughts. I thus just perused some old links and blog posts, mmyay.

I remember first hearing this song below on a stereo as I was falling asleep under a fresh white comforter and sheets surrounded by an open window at my head with a pine tree and street light right outside and an open window at my right with a pocket-fillings cluttered sill that looked out onto the road side and city lights. I like black blacks and refreshing night air, distinguishable scents.

The song kinda grosses me out now, but it was once nice. (My window is now properly wide open to replicate the lovely air flow of that night. I predict I will sleep better because of this.)

And Suki lotion ohhhhhh how I wish I could smell you!!!! I must track you down so I can do this, so lovely!

To replace the above song, I remembered how this song below is me through-and-through, it is a no-fail favorite forever:

Lesser Gonzalez Alvarez – Mostly a Friend

As is this one:

I will play these two songs forever and ever.

So much music to rediscover…..phwoo! “I’ve got a black-out name, but hand me down I had no say, a hat and rabbit magic show, magic man won’t let me go…..I’ve got a black-out name, it can’t be the one you waAaAnt (loveliest summer guitar) bahbahdabah dadabada”

Back to sleeppp – night night.

-lovelove-

Can’t see my face.

Must go on a run, must evaporate.

I read the new Stranger article called The Bravest Woman in Seattle this morning and I think it tapped me out. I am heartbroken. Despite not liking the theatrics perhaps used by the writer that I found to be at times inappropriate and made the story more of a story, less of an actual event that is relevant to all the Seattle readers, all the female readers, all the victims of abuse and violence readers, all the readers who have some sense of the reality of what happened, the story behind it shows the strength of these women. I can’t help but cry and cry and cry. Teresa Butz and her partner were and are so fierce and so strong with so much love between them, I just don’t understand why anyone would ever want to harm them in any way, especially in the way they were. They will be on my mind today, so, so much love. I am so sorry this happened. I want a safer world with kinder people.

Weight

I feel like I need more love in my life, which is a scary thought because I already have so much.

I just am realizing that I’m working against an undercurrent of weighty anxiety and emotional lethargy that I have to find a way to dismiss and forget about each day. Which I do. I’m a happy person with a positive attitude, I just have something that’s getting in the way and making it harder to not feel scared and alone. I notice that these feeling go away when I’m with someone warm, so I guess I need more of that right now. Someone always in my pocket. Kind people in my sphere who don’t make me feel completely alienated from them and make me want to cry. And more sun, that’d help quite a bit I’m sure.

Wonderful day! Summer has arrived (minus the midterm I have on Wednesday). I got to sun bath in Roanoke Park down the way from me before work, which I am discovering is an awesome park actually.  The tree next to me was raining petals in the wind and I listened to Icarus by White Hinterland on repeat because that’s how I listen to songs as of late to compensate for my lack of good finds in the past 6 months (someone make me a mixed cd of dreamy happy music and deliver it under my pillow during the night, please). Went to work, looked at some pretty new dresses we put out and fell in love with them, so I dreamt of winning the lottery and going on an epic dress shopping spree. This becomes a daily daydream during the summer time. I’m really into stiffer materials that give a lot of structure that you find in a lot of 50′s dresses, or the total opposite: absolutely breezy dresses that flow amazingly when you walk. Mmyup.

Then I got to go on a lovely car ride with the windows down to Fremont, where we wandered around and went in some beautiful shops. One was a fragrance, soap, cute nick-nacks shop that had a fountain in the middle and was bright and airy: gorgeous. Then there was a cool warehousey type space that had the ceiling beams painted a soft pink with lots of hanging light fixtures and a shabby-chic vibe to it and very Seattle-ish shoes (aka slightly frumpy, yet thoughtfully designed, leather flats with rounded, squatty toe beds, do you know what I’m talking about?)

We then went to Golden Gardens Beach which was crazy packed full of people high on Vitamin D (“there has to be an event going on?…..hm, maybe not, just sun-hungry people”), it was a sight. I love how Seattle-ittes are so sun-deprived, this year in particular, and make sure to appreciate sunny days to the fullest. People were grilling food, playing volleyball, playing music, “blahblahblah”… as my boss would say.

But then! We went to Ballard, which I am totally loving and need to bike over to more often. I’ve decided to do my 21 run I think in Ballard and to go to the cute outdoor patio bars. But, sidetracked, the exciting part: BICYCLE RACE! So cool, loved the energy, I’m so impressed by athletes and love athletic spaces. It made me one day want to be all fierce and do a bike race. Oh and back to 21-run, I want to do a group bike ride from Capitol Hill to Ballard post-picnic potluck, sounds good, yeah?

Then we went to Miro Tea and drank so tea, ate a apple, fig, walnut crepe (yum yum), got a free drink card (my mint mate tea took quite awhile) and figured out that there’s a free tea sampling event they do from 1-3 on Saturdays (minus the last Saturday of the month), I will be back. Cute space with natural wood tables and benches, always a good design choice.

This is so all over the place! But I am frantically typing so that I can make it out the door and finish the night off with a good hilly run. I want this day every day.

~warm hearts~